So there I was very lost…..I had to come up with a new plan, and one fast. I actually came up with a couple of other plans, but plans kept failing, in the end I felt I did a whole 180 from my first plan. I decided to take a gap year, and give this whole college audition game a second go….and this time I decided not to do Musical Theatre, but just a BFA in Acting as I know I am a way stronger actor.
While, I was having lessons, and preparing for my auditions, and honestly even before I started the process over again, I kept getting small signs and calls from God about going into ministry, but I was very set on achieving my dream, or at least what seemed to be my dream at the time. I felt I had to prove so many people wrong about my “dream”.
I remember the first time I got a call from God, looking back now, was when I was a senior in high school and my youth pastor asked me to give a devotion at youth group during worship and I happened to do it during my college audition experience. I spoke about how I had 16 BFA rejections, and it was all about trusting in the Lord’s timing and His plan for us. After giving I spoke, I remember we had a missionary that night preacing about being available to God, and saying “Yes” to whatever He has for us. After she preached, I remember us joining to worship to the song “Available” by Elevation Worship, which if you do not know, is still absolutely one of my favorite songs to this day because of this moment, and I remember feeling something that night like I have never felt before. The lyrics to this song include:
"Here I am with open hands Counting on Your grace again Less of me and more of You Oh, I just wanna see You move
I hear You call I am available I say, "Yes, Lord I am available" I hear You call I am available I say, "Yes, Lord" I am available"
I felt God was speaking to me in that moment, and as I think about it more and more it was God calling me to ministry.
The second time I felt the call of God, was after my mission trip to the New York School of Ministry with my church and I had never found something so fulfilling as following and leading others to Jesus. I found out truly how good God was on that trip and how incredibly He plans things. I felt Jesus calling me, He didn't just want a part of my life, He wanted all of it, and He deserves it all.
Despite all of these callings, I continued to prepare for my acting auditions, but something was different. I did not find the same joy and fulfillment as before, I found I was struggling to do these auditions, in a matter of fact, I felt like it was a chore. It felt like a burden in my life, that I was forced to do, but despite all these feelings, I continued with the process and found myself having way more success: I was getting callbacks to programs, and even getting offers to school’s performing arts programs. I am not going to lie, it felt great. It felt great that all the hard work finally paid off, to feel like I was being seen by schools. All while this was going on, I continued to fall in love more and more with Jesus Christ. I felt a desire to lead others to Him more, to live like Jesus, to spread His glorious name, on another level, that was not just a Sunday morning. And it is true we are all called to ministry as our purpose is to spread His name but I felt God calling to me on another level.
Another time I felt God calling me is this past feburary I started to take classes in order to become a voting member at my home church. In these courses, they had us to an assesment on “Spiritual Gifts’’ to see what Spiritual gifts we may hold. We took the assesment and tallied our points up, and to write down our 4 highest scoring Spiritual gift category and one of my highest, was indeed, Pastoring. This really spoke to me.
I think what makes this story interesting is March 13, 2022. This day at 6 pm, I got into my dream acting school. I had talked about this school over and over, I was so excited. The curriculum of the performing arts program was exactly what I was looking for, but, when I got in, It was not everything I thought it be. Sure, it was great that I got into such an amazing school, but it was not the joy I was looking for and so desperately craved after this two-year journey.
So, now, I had to make a choice, Bible College or Acting school. It would be a lie if I told you it was a quick and easy choice. I took a look at my life and truly thought I had to pick the acting school because it just made the most sense, I had spent years and years of training, and this was my "dream". It is what made the most sense, right? I decided I would attend acting school to just give it a shot, but as soon as I committed to that school, I instantly felt I had made a mistake, I knew something was not right. I knew I was not happy. I constantly was questioning my choice, and I was not excited about the future. It had nothing to do with the school I chose; it is a fantastic school, I could not recommend it more to anyone, and I know if I had attended that school, I would have been very successful in the entertainment industry. I chose the acting school because it made human sense, but here is the thing, faith is trusting God even when things do not make sense. I decided I needed to listen to God and God alone because it is what He wants that matters. So, yeah, I did have years and years of training and preparation, but guess what? That does not matter because everything changes when you meet Jesus. When you lay your life down for Him, that is truly when you gain it. It is time I let God be in control of my life because He is the writer of my story, and I am just following His plan.
I am so excited to announce, that this fall of 2022, I will be attending Southeastern University to study Practical Ministries (Pastoral Ministries) in Lakeland, Florida! I am ecstatic and have been since I decided. I am so excited to see what God leads me to do and I trust in who He is, and how He uses me to further His kingdom because after all, is that not our job? as Jesus tells His disciples in Matthew 28, "Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe everything I have commanded you. And remember,I am with you always, to the end of the age.”. and just because I am not pursuing acting currently, does not mean I am giving up on it, I will still always love it and look to do it in my free time!
It has been a crazy 2 years. I have had moments of joy, sadness, anxiety, confusion, but throughout this all, my God has remainded faithful and worthy. This is not the end of my story, this is just the beginning. My prayer for all of you reading right now that are lost and looking for direction from God is to pray constantly for direction anf trust in Him because He is who He says He is, and He will never leave or forsake you. Jesus is so good!
God bless you all,
Barrett
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